


Stan Pines: Real Life Hero

by viola1516



Category: Gravity Falls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 02:29:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11004108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viola1516/pseuds/viola1516
Summary: One shot. Stan defends the Shack from an unwanted guest.Feel free to comment!





	Stan Pines: Real Life Hero

“Grunkle Staaaaa _aaaaaAANNN!”_

 _What is it now, I’m trying to run a business here,_ Stan thought as Dipper and Mabel came barreling into the Shack, dodging customers and displays in order to get away from whatever “magical beast” they’d encountered today. 

“Hey!” Stan barked, grabbing Dipper by his vest before he ran into the mer-monkey display. “What’s the big idea? You two knuckleheads are takin’ away from my profits!” He leaned in closer, lowering his voice, and added, “You know today is the day that Greyhound bus from L.A. comes through.”

The twins, however, were unmoved.

“Grunkle Stan,” Mabel began gravely, “Roderick is back.”

At his niece’s words, Stan’s heart sank. _Why me? Why today?_

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighed. “Where was he last?”

“Out by the dumpster!” Dipper squeaked. “He almost got the Journal. Soos is still out there.”

Peering out the window, Stan watched as his faithful handyman shook a broom at the seagull from hell yelling, “Take that dude!” and then screaming in terror and ducking for cover as the bird swooped in, aiming for Soos’s head. Seagulls didn’t have talons, but the way this force of pure evil would beat his wings and slap his feet at you, he might as well have. 

Stan sighed once again and turned to his great niece and nephew. “You two take care of the store. I’ll deal with the seagull.”

Mabel and Dipper nodded solemnly as Stan made his way to the closet to don some protective gear. 

Roderick, as you might have already guessed, was an evil seagull that had been terrorizing the Mystery Shack for years. Roderick would show up every couple of months, each time with seemingly more vengeance than the last. Stan didn’t know where this evil entity went when he wasn’t scaring away customers, but he could only assume that it was hell itself. 

_Probably drawn in by Ford’s stupid anomaly stuff,_ Stan grumbled to himself as he slipped on a pair of steel-toed boots, heavy leather gloves, canvas coveralls, and an old racecar helmet. With a metal baseball bat in hand, Stan was ready to face the beast. _Childhood boxing skills, don’t fail me now._

“SOOS!” Stan yelled, stepping out into the open. “INSIDE. NOW!” 

Soos dropped the broom and sprinted inside as fast as his little gopher legs could take him, eager to get away from this resident evil. 

“Alright bird, it’s you and me,” Stan announced, pointing his baseball bat at the feathery monster, who had stopped to preen his feathers before hitting Stan with an icy stare that was almost human. 

Roderick cocked his head to the side, as if sizing Stan up. 

“C’mon, bird, I don’t have all day!”

Stan waited another moment before readying himself for battle. _I don’t have time for this,_ he thought before raising his bat and running to face Roderick head on. 

The bird was also ready, flapping his wings to dive bomb Stan. 

Stan swung, missing, and leaving himself wide open for a pecking and wing beating attack from the demon bird from hell. 

Swinging the bat again, he was able to ward off Roderick, who had retreated, preparing for another offensive maneuver.

The two clashed again, matched wing for bat. 

“Is this all you got?” Stan yelled, shaking the bat in the air as Roderick prepared for another attack. 

This, however, was the exact moment that the tour bus from L.A. pulled up in front of the Mystery Shack. 

And Roderick knew it. 

Stan’s momentary distraction gave the bird enough time to turn around and jet to the bus, preparing to terrorize Stan’s glamourous profit-carriers. 

Swearing, Stan sprinted over to the bus, managing to bat Roderick away, but not before the tourists began piling out of the bus. 

“Welcome to the Mystery Shack, folks!” Stan panted as he chased the bird away. “Head inside and I’ll be right with you!”

The tourists, realizing the imminent danger, ran to the Shack, some screaming in terror. 

_Alright, Stan, lets finish this._

Mustering up all his strength, he gave the bat one more good swing at Roderick. The bat hit its target with a satisfying smack, causing Roderick to squawk loudly. He then flapped up and away over the trees, seemingly dazed and defeated, finally retreating to wherever he came from for the next few months. 

“And don’t come back!” Stan yelled, muscles aching. _I’m getting too old for this._

Exhausted, sweaty, and covered in feathers, Stan made his way back into the Shack, which, to his surprise, was bustling with business. 

“LOOK! THERE HE IS!” Mabel yelled from the cash register, making a big show of pointing at Stan as he entered. 

Stan froze, startled from the attention, especially looking like this. 

“Here he is, ladies and gentlemen!” came Dipper’s voice from over by the mer-monkey display. “Stan Pines, our very own Mystery Shack hero!” Dipper and Mabel both came over to stand next to Stan, grinning toothily. 

“Uh, kids,” Stan began, slightly uncomfortable, “What are ya-”

“That’s right folks!” Mabel exclaimed, cutting him off. “This man here saved us all from a terrifying force threatening our local business!”

“He’s a true hero!” Dipper added. “Now’s your chance to get your picture taken with a real life hero! Only $30 a picture!”

Mabel held up a camera. “C’mon folks, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity!”

Stan felt a smile begin to wind its way across his face as he realized just what these kids were doing. 

There was a beat before the entire crowd in the store went crazy, practically throwing money at Stan and the twins and fighting each other to get a picture. 

Stan had to wipe a tear from his eye. It was beautiful. 

“Alright folks, let’s form a line,” Dipper announced as Mabel led Stan over to the backdrop Soos had set up for cheesy family pictures. 

Stan’s heart soared as Dipper began collecting money and ushering people in while Mabel manned the camera. 

_Heh, I guess these kids are good for something after all,_ he thought fondly. In that moment, Stan realized just how much these kids meant to him. 

“Smile!” Mabel said enthusiastically. “You’re with a real-life hero here, people!”

Stan. A real life hero.

He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, like some sorta sissy. He loved these kids. Stan! Their hero! He may have screwed up in the past, but things were different now. 

So even though Stan was covered in feathers, dirt, sweat, and bird poop, there was no one else he’d rather be. 

“C’mon, Grunkle Stan,” Mabel called. “Smile for the camera!”

And he did.


End file.
